Before I found my one true love, I was deep in a heartbreak. I was utterly miserable. I couldn’t get a good sleep for weeks and my appetite was non-existent. Needless to say, I was a wreck. Going through a breakup is devastating for someone who thought they have found forever in a person. But when they say, heartbreaks build character, it’s true. You might not know it while you are going through the pain, but once you come out of the surface, you will realize you’ve become a better version and you know yourself better.
Embrace your pain
You know what they say, “The only way out is through.” Huh. Easier said than done. The process is excruciating. Sometimes you need to sink to the rock-bottom of your pain, so you will know that you can’t stay there forever. You will notice things will eventually be better—today you thought of him every 5 minutes. Next week, you’ll probably think of him once in 15 minutes, and that is still progress.
Once you reflect within you and really feel what you are feeling rather than downplaying and avoiding all these feelings, you will start to recognize and differentiate them inside of you. There may be resentment, hate, regret, and blame hiding beneath the pain you are feeling. Identify them, befriend them, embrace them.
When you recognize these feelings and call them by their name, they will not taunt you as much as they did before. Instead, you will be able to work within yourself—sometimes with the help of others—to find other feelings to battle the pain. Fight feelings with feelings. You will have courage, you will have hope, and these will help you win over your pain.
The only way out is through.
Robert Frost
Not all love, no matter how strong, is meant to be kept
When you are in a relationship that is not healthy, people will say, “Know when to stop.” And indeed, not all people know when to do it. There will be lot of hurt thrown back and forth but both of you are still holding on to a love that has been bruised and broken because you have failed to safeguard it. If both of you will not let go then certainly, that love you once had will find a way to be free of you.
It takes two to work out a relationship, and if one of you is unwilling, it will never be better. One of you is miserable while the other is quietly letting go. It is never wrong to fight but know when the battle is worthy. Even when you think you can pick up the pieces and fix it like it was never broken, it will never be the same because the damage has been done and the cracks will always show.
Always keep love for yourself
This may be a bad advise for some, but I stand by my principle to not give it your all. Always save some love for yourself. It’s not everyday that you and your partner give 100% to each other, right? Some days are bad—just 30% or worse—10%. But it’s important that no matter how fed up you are of each other, one of you will have to give more than their fair share to keep the love alive.
Remember, at the end of the day, your partner can’t fill all your empty corners. You and your partner works for the love you both need, while you work on yourself for the love your partner can’t fulfill. It is not always romantic love that completes the picture, sometimes it is self-love. And sometimes, when you feel your love for yourself is optimal, only then can you give the kind of love you never thought you can give someone.
You will be happy again
You may have failed in your romantic relationship, but there are different kinds of love that have been waiting for you while you were getting over your ex. Your family and friends might be waiting on you—focus on them as you continue to adjust to the world without your ex. More importantly, find it within you to be complete without anyone else. When you are at that point of moving on, surely you will feel happy again. As Adam sings, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. You have to experience the tears to appreciate the little smiles more, experience loss to cherish love when you find it again, and experience numbness to feel again. So feel the pain, heartache, and loss. There is always hope that you will be happy again. More than you think you will be.